Giving Feedback That Builds Instead of Breaks.
Today, I was given some feedback.
Nothing I hadn’t heard before.
But today it hit differently. It landed hard. It stuck.
Not because the words were different. Not because I suddenly disagreed with the feedback. But because of how it was delivered: unexpectedly, without context, and at a time when I was already juggling a dozen things across both work and life. And that that makes all the difference.
When someone’s working hard (maybe flat-out in both personal and professional lanes), criticism, however well-meant, can sting more than it should. Self-esteem takes a knock. Confidence wavers. Even the strongest of us have our fragile moments.
Today was definitely one of mine!
Feedback Needs a Human Touch
Whether you’re giving feedback to a colleague, a friend, or someone you manage, delivery matters. Tone matters. Empathy matters.
When I give constructive feedback to someone in my team especially if it’s potentially hard to hear I take a moment to assess:
Who am I speaking to?
What’s their current emotional bandwidth?
How do they best receive feedback?
What’s going on in their world that I might not see?
This isn’t just about being “nice.” It’s about being effective. Feedback should support growth, not derail it. It should be actionable, not demoralising. It should feel like a helping hand, not a slap in the face.
Get to Know Your People
If you’re in a leadership role, this is especially critical. You can’t manage people well if you don’t know them.
Do they prefer direct feedback or a more gentle approach? Do they like time to process, or prefer immediate conversations? Are they already carrying a heavy load?
Taking the time to understand how your team members operate emotionally isn’t “soft.” It’s strategic. And it’s human.
Today Wasn’t a Great Day And That’s OK
The feedback I received today wasn’t wrong. But the way it came felt jarring. Out of the blue. At a tough time. And it bruised a little more than it should have.
But here’s the thing, I’m not going to change who I am!
I’m passionate! I show up fully. I care deeply.
That’s not a flaw. That’s my fuel!
It’s how I get things done. It’s how I lead. It’s how I live. I won’t apologise for that and I won’t dilute it to make myself easier to digest!
I’m Marmite, and That’s Fine
I’ve always known I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.
And I’ve made peace with that.
Despite being loyal, trustworthy, hard-working, and kind, I know my passion, my energy, my drive might be too much for some. But for the right people, it’s exactly what they need beside them.
So if you’re reading this as a manager, a leader, or just a fellow human trying to do your best:
Be mindful when delivering feedback. Take the time. Learn the person. Show compassion. You never know what kind of day they’re having or how your words might land.
And if you’re the one receiving that tough feedback today? Take a breath. Feel the sting. And then remember who you are.
You’re not broken. You’re growing!
And if you’re Marmite too? Welcome! The world needs our flavour.
Swanny xx