Welcome to the Madness: A Slightly Chaotic Introduction

Hey, I’m Swanny. 40-something, mum to boys, ambitious to a fault, married to my best friend, and the proud owner of ADHD, three cats, one dog, and a brain that never, ever shuts up.

It’s a Saturday afternoon, 29 degrees in sunny Surrey, and I’m sat in the garden with all the windows and doors flung open. Julia Michaels is blaring through the Sonos yelling “I just wanna be f*ing happy!” and honestly, same girl, same.

Here’s the thing: life is… good. Like, objectively good. Great husband. Brilliant kids. Decent house. Pets everywhere. A career that I’ve poured myself into. From the outside? It looks like I’ve got my sh*t together. And some days, I actually feel like I do. Other days? I’m one chaotic to-do list away from lying on the kitchen floor in existential despair. Balance, right?

Lately, I’ve found myself in this odd little season of reflection, that weird middle bit of life where you’ve achieved a lot, but you still feel like you’re waiting for something. More recognition? A deeper purpose? Just an uninterrupted cup of tea? Who knows.

One thing I’ve realised (and sort of made peace with) is that I’m probably never going to be that effortlessly cool girl that people immediately want to be besties with. I’m not the first invite to brunch. I’m the one who brings snacks, overthinks the group chat, and quietly fixes everything in the background. I used to take that personally. These days, I just call it a brand.

Work-wise, I’ve always been the one who gives 110% - the high-performing underdog who doesn’t quite make it onto the leaderboard. I used to think if I just worked harder, I’d be seen. Spoiler alert: not always how it works. But I’ve toughened up. I speak up more. I ask for what I deserve (even if I feel awkward doing it). And slowly finally the tides are turning.

My ADHD definitely doesn’t make any of this easier. Confidence can take a hit. Self-esteem wobbles more than I’d like. And yes, sometimes I do take things personally even though I know I shouldn’t. But I’ve never used my neurodivergence as a crutch. If anything, it’s why I’m the “Fixer of Everything.” (That’s not just a vibe, I have a literal wooden plaque.)

So, am I happy? Mostly, yes. Do I want more? Definitely.

More from my career. More clarity as a parent. More space to just be me… chaotic, capable, occasionally emotional, usually funny, always trying.

This Substack is going to be where I share it all. Life. ADHD. Work. Tech. Parenting wins and fails. Basically, the real version of life that doesn’t make it onto curated Instagram grids.

So if you’re into honest chats, occasional swearing, and a slightly chaotic but deeply thoughtful view of life, pull up a chair. I’m glad you’re here.

Swanny xx